Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Bike and the Money

One summer day when biking, skating and tumbang preso were major past times for me and my sister, we would roam around Cataluna street which is very near the vicinity of the University of Sto. Tomas (UST) in Sampaloc, Manila. I was just 10 years old at that time and my aunt asked me if I wanted to ride the bike with her. My aunt that time was a college student taking up nursing and I was just a willing niece who loves to play instead of sleep in the afternoon. (Sorry mom, we hate siesta that time) So, there I was sitting behind her back as she was pedaling going to UST but as the bike strolled around the streets, my right leg got caught inside the spokes of the bike. I nearly shouted because it was very painful BUT I did not. Normally, as a kid, you would heller out at the top of your lungs but I was so ashamed, so timid or embarrassed (to say the least) to complain or even to tell her. The wounds are now getting very very painful and blood are now gushing out but I never said a word. I never complained. I never asked her to stop. After what seems to me like a long and winding tribulation- she stopped pedaling. Hay salamat….to my relief. And when she asked me to climb down the bike she was shocked that I have blood all over my feet and she panicked and told me….”Ohhh Eunice, what happened? Why didn’t you tell me?”. I was just crying and crying and all I could tell her was “nahihiya po ako eh”….(I am just so ashamed to tell you) but I never knew why I was like that until I was an adult.

Fast forward to my future, late 1990’s, I was 28 years old at the time (got a hint on my age?) and just got accepted to work in a big time share company at that time in Makati. During those times, timesharing was unknown in the world of vacations, travel and leisure here in the Philippines. One of our British sales directors told us during a brief meeting that one of the main reasons why people don’t sell, don’t earn money to the highest possible degree that they could have- is that they think lowly of themselves. I had the mentality that if I was getting paid- I was bought at a price. That is, if I am getting paid, my soul one way or the other is being bought, or I view myself less holy and less Godly. From then on, I realized that when someone buys from me and gives us money for payment or gives me financial blessing, that person is not just buying from me- I am giving that person a solution to a problem. I realized that I should not think that being given money is dirty, deameaning and lowly otherwise working will be dirty too. When someone even asks me before how much they owe me for the work I have done, I would tell them "bahala ka na". It's up to you. That is what my “lizard” brain (as the brilliant Seth Godin calls it) has imbedded in its system. I thought I was never worthy of being heard or being listened to. Or being paid for my services. Or being consulted. I thought I was unworthy of having money. That having money is somewhat dirty and unbecoming of a true Christian. I was wrong. I was really really wrong. At work, I continued to enjoy and spoke enthusiastically with all my clients and by God’s grace, I ended up as the second top sales person for the year. I was stunned because I never considered myself as a salesperson much more being able to sell. Hey! I had a medical background not a marketing one. But it happened because every time I work, I always see to it that I am always doing something that I love, I love to go to work and hate my days off and I love being with people, advising people if this is the right product for them or not, I always see people as a family not as a buyer or someone whom I can extract money from. Heck! I even love my bosses! Even if there are times when people are tough, they loosen up because they knew and they can feel that my concern is genuine and I will not give them something they will not use and benefit from. I saw myself as a solution provider. That was the start of my journey towards money and how I view it today.

Dear Fried, I hope you would start to see yourself as a receiver and a giver too, when we start receiving and earning money, it is time to give more to others. Do not wait until you become a millionnaire. Teach your brain to give with whatever you can afford. Because when you give money, money comes back to you in two-fold, three-fold and four-fold. Do not ask what someone can give to you but what you could give first. Blessings come from many directions and it comes not only as a monetary gift but through our health, our relationships and our feelings (peace of mind, joy, delight, etc.). Generally, people who are in business or in a profession (except the drug lords and other illegal trades, etc.)- are providing something that the world needs and if you think you are not- then it’s time to move on to something else. Today, I hope you will see yourself from both perspectives: a solution provider and as a giver- because you really are.

God speed!

Eunice

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Your Job

Your Job


In my book, the Spa, Massage Therapy and Wellness Resource Book and Career Guide, I wrote all about job descriptions in the area of spa, massage therapy, beauty and wellness. While I wrote about what makes a good massage therapist, I should have written also what makes a great massage therapist. So what makes a great massage therapist? Here are a few:

A good massage therapist implements government rules and regulationss
A great massage therapist implements more than rules but according to highest standards and including personal ethics in the profession.


A good massage therapist must be able to develop good rapport with clients.
A great massage therapist treats clients not only as a cash cow but a family to take care of.

A good massage therapist’s primary responsibility will include providing massage therapy tailored for individual clients.
A great massage therapist’s primary responsibility should not only provide massage therapy tailored for individual clients but sees to it that  they are providing relief from stress and muscle tension.

A good massage therapist has great hands.
A great massage therapist has a loving character and great hands.

A good spa owner gives salary to their staff.
A great spa owner gives salary, benefits and provides a healthy workplace for everyone where everyone gets to enjoy working.

In reflection, our job in life is to know our purpose by our strengths, where we are good at, where our talent resides and hone them. Our job is to make use of that strength for blessing others. Yesterday, Dean Pax Lapid (the Author of Negosyo 21 Steps on How to Start Your Own Business) told us that we have to master our self first before aspiring to go into business. Our passion should be where our business is. I guess that is why a lot of people hop from one job to the next, they hop from one career to the next because they haven’t found their rainbow- what makes them tick. What makes a person excited everyday to go to work on something or for someone is the passion behind. Not everybody is born a massage therapist, a spa therapist or a spa, massage clinic or wellness center owner. Not everyone is born an entrepreneur or a business person. But everyone is born with a gift. I have a relative (whose name I will not divulge because it might be hazardous to my health), he graduated with high honors from one of the prestigious universities in the Philippines and yet, he jumps from one career to the next. He hopes the next job will satisfy his wanting and his desire for a fulfilled life. I believe there are four types of people on Earth:


The "sorrowful" because they have not found and do not know their purpose in life.
The "mediocre" who know their purpose in life but do not work on it everyday.
The "missing out" who know their life’s purpose but do not work on it everyday
The "blessed" who know their life’s purpose and work on it daily to bless others more.

So, which among the four do you belong and how will you jump from one stage to the next? First, you have to answer these self- inventory questions:

Question #1: What do you love and enjoy doing? (Even if you are not getting paid for it at the moment, you will still do the best of your ability to do this wholeheartedly, san ka hiyang? does the path you are traveling capture your heart?)

Question #2: What area of your life do you excel? (What do close people say that you are good at? What are you inherently good at? What do you have a talent for?)

Come on. As Ping Sotto (also the Author of 21 Steps on How to Start Your Own Business) told us last week, we are all brought into this world with something. Hindi puwedeng wala. I believe God gave each of us a gift. Our job is to find it and cultivate it and follow our own rainbows. Not the path of others. Not the calling of others.

On a scale of 1 to 100, here is my inventory of gifts:

Technical aspects of computer technology: 60%
I never liked thinking about mechanics or how a machine works. I never liked driving so As much as possible, I employ a driver. I would rather commute than drive. Need I say more? I like clicking on the computer but, ngunit, subalit, datapwat, bagamat- when I have any trouble with my netbook and laptop- I learned to fix anything with just one tool: the telephone or my mobile phone (hehehe).

Numbers and Mathematics: 70%
Ewww…..I would run away if you would tell me what is the sum of 2 + 2? Hehe…. I have finished college without having to memorize 8 X 7. J Wait…I have to get my calculator. That is why I took up medical technology and emergency medical technology to avoid numbers. My strength lies in memorizing concepts rather than details especially numerical details. I am good with English though and I think I have a knack for writing. Thus, this blog (wink). I need to work more on this. Slowly, I am getting to love accounting especially in my finances. But I still need to improve on this.

Cooking and household work: 80%
Cooking for me is okay but baking? Nah! I am not fond of sweets or anything sweet. Unlike most, I am not a fan of chocolates. Sorry chocolate lovers.....if given a choice, I would rather choose flowers rather than chocolates but Filipinos are generally chocolate lovers. I love to cook because I love to eat. I can cook vegetables and pasta or noodles. I can cook tasty meals (or so they say.). I can cook for family and friends but I cannot cook for a living- that I am sure of. I love cleaning but behind my mind, I would rather work on stuff that only I can do and delegate this to the maid. But then again, its one form of exercise on my part.

Writing: 85%
Although I love to write, I do not always have the luxury of time to sit down and gather my thoughts. A blog normally gets to be written anywhere from a day to more than 3 days before I post it. I have numerous ideas to share but I need to hone my skills in terms of expressing myself clearly. But I am thankful for the thousands who have, through the years have read and have been helped by my articles online. I am grateful to God for that. But then again, I still need to hone this talent. In writing I would say also that my spelling and grammar is way below 85%- maybe 80%.

Learning and teaching: 90%
I love reading. My library at home keeps getting bigger and bigger. I believe in life long learning. I love learning and attending seminars, conventions, trade fairs, workshops, etc. Having to travel all the way from the Philippines to other countries because I believe it’s one way for us to grow. I love to share what I know. I have even started having to give a lot of FREE seminars before (only about my field though). Until I realized that I can earn from it. Now I am trying to renew my mindset. I believe that our talents are also a way for us to be financially free. I am not a trainer, I am a teacher. A trainer focuses on skills while a teacher focuses on the application of theories and knowledge. I am very blessed because I have learned from the best.

Managing people and leadership: 83%
I need help on this too because I tend to be too friendly and too trusting. I need to realize that at times, it is better to act like you are the boss rather than if you are “just one of the staff”. I have to improve on my leadership skills. As my Myer’s Briggs Test shows:
ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.
You can take your FREE Myer’s Briggs test on this blog. Just scroll down to the right lower hand portion of this blog. You can click on that link.


Business and Entrepreneurship: 80%
I need to know more about how a business works within my sphere of passion. I need to know whether I am on the gaining aspect or losing aspect as people also tend to ask me too much favors which I am having a hard time saying "no" to. I found a solution and I am grateful for my PA (Personal Assistant), Cecile. I need to be reminded that I need to be paid for my services and she does that for me. I need to learn so much more.

Upon finishing your inventory, separate the items where you excel best and pray that God will guide you. You can also share it with someone who knows you best and who will support you in your endeavor. Find and join a support group too. Like Meetup (wink again).

I believe that you are here to bloom in wherever we are planted so use your talents and skills to achieve your life’s fullest potential.
If I may add an email shared to me by Ted:

IF I WORSHIP...
Money.. I become greedy
Power... I become controlling
Sex... I become lustful
Myself...I become selfish
Drugs/alcohol...I become depressed
Work...I become workaholic
People...I become codependent
Church activities... I become religious
GOD.. I BECOME WHAT I WAS CREATED FOR!

Do you really want to achieve your highest potential? Start within. Next week, will talk about money and finances....

Love the thing you do and you will do better and bigger things!

Live your life to the fullest! Live with purpose!


Sunday, January 9, 2011

One Thing You Could Do Everyday to Increase the Quality of Your Spa, Massage Clinic, Wellness Center Operations

One thing that you could do everyday to increase the quality of your Spa, Massage Clinic and Wellness Center Business and Profession


The one thing that you can easily start and finish everyday to increase the quality of your business, your work, your profession especially in the spa, massage clinic and wellness center business is that everyday focus on things that you are most grateful for and think of ways how to thank your clients, staff and colleagues. You say it warmly, graciously, sincerely and specifically.

I will list down below ways on how you could do that:
  1. Send a quick email thanking your clients for the business they bring into your doors and your staff on the great job they did for the years that they have been with you.
  2. Acknowledge any email from those whom you know personally, even if the email only contains Thank you.
  3. Send an e-card and say thank you in many dialects of the Philippines:
English                    Thank you very (so) much
Tagalog                   Maraming salamat
Kapampangan         Dakal a Salamat
Hiligaynon               Madamu nga salamat
Cebuano                 Daghang Salamat
Ilocano                   Agyamanak
Chabacano (Zamboanga City)   Gracias
Yakan (Basilan)      Megsukul teed
Tausug (Sulu)         Magsukol
Waray                   Salamat
Ilonggo                  Salamat
Gaddang (Kalingga Apayao)     Mabbalat
Ibanag  /Ybanag (Cagayan/Tuguegarao)   Mabbalo’
Itawis                    Mabbalat
Ivatan                   Dius mamahes
Pangasinense        Salamat
Bicolano               Salamat na marhay
Iloko                    Pagyamanan unay (some version)
Samar-Leyte        Damu nga salamat


Although there more than 120 to 170 dialects of the Philippines (depending on how you classify them), I hope I got it all right. If not, and you know the right terminology, please email me.Thanks to Stephen Santos for the additions.)

  1. Send a small token of appreciation: a post card perhaps (?) (I got this idea from one of my millionaire friend and a good friend Joey Magtibay) to those people who has helped you in your business and in your life as a whole.

  1. Send a poem, a quote and the person’s relevance to your business.

Example:          We are grateful to be of service to you and want to say thanks again for visiting our or my (spa, massage clinic or wellness center). Rest assured that we will always take care of your spa-mpering needs. Call us anytime!

                        Thank you for choosing _______ (name of your business) and being part of our (service/product/spa) launching. We hope you would return soon, we would be happy to serve you again.

                        Thank you for spending you spa-rty here. We hope we exceeded your expectations and we look forward to be of service to you now and in every occasion you choose. Please do not hesitate to let us know about how we can serve you.

  1. Since Filipinos love to text, then send a text message and say thank you as above.
Now it’s your turn. Send an email, jot a note, write a card. Be grateful and show it. Make someone feel valued. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you as well. Let gratitude multiply and spread!

See the two videos below to increase the probability of being more grateful everyday:






Live with Gratitude!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 Jokes and Laughter Therapy for a start....

2011 Jokes for a Start

video


To start a year with smile and fun, I would like to share with you some jokes (during the past years) that were emailed to me, shared to me, sent to me or found online:

Have a blessed New Year to one and all!!


JOKES AND HUMOR

THE WEAKEST LINK" PINOY-STYLE


Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

-----

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern
name nito (Rizal Park).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)


-------

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng
taong ito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.

Contestant: Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.

Contestant: Oh, si Mr.Clean!

--------------------------------------

Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?
-------------------------

Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may sukA?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Ano ang pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtata! ! pos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?

Contestant: Si...Sharon CunetA!
----------------------------------------

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500Peso bill? Clue: may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: N-ora A-unor?

Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".

Contestant: GuY Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

--------------------------------------------

Old Chinese in death bed:
"Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"

"Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"

"Akyen daughtel 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"

"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito din honey!"

"Walahiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!" :P


Ito na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.

CK--------Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL-------Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB-------Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY------Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.

At pag suot mo tong mga to pre, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa magazines:
GQ------ Galing Quiapo ----------

As we get older,

we are richer
Silver hair
Gold tooth
Stones in kidney
Oil in pace
Gas in tian
Careful daw at baka makidnap!


Chinese names for those born during new year

At Midnight Andy Lim
At Wedlock Tina Go
By Swindler Lino Co
Fat Boy Bob Uy
Different Eva Yan


A Rhose, by Any Other Name
By Matthew Sutherland

"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" --(Proverbs 22:1)

WHEN I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since.

The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say, to lose them.

The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesyfor anyone over about five. "Fifty-five-year-olds with names that sound like five-year-olds", as one colleague put it. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell names". These are nicknames that sound like - well, door-bells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly-appointed chief of police has a doorbell name - Ping. None of these door-bell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from "dong" is a slang word for... well, perhaps "talong" is the best Tagalog equivalent.

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let,Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the "squared" symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy. More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy,Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are -- best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy).

Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you're a cab driver.

That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila - taxis with the driver's kids' names on the trunk.

Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the "composite" name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, believe it or not). That's a bit like me being called something like "Engscowani" (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland).

Between you and me, I'm glad I'm not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly-inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)?

There is also a whole separate field of name games -- those where the parents have exhibited a creative sense of humor on purpose. I once had my house in London painted by a Czechoslovakian decorator by the name of Peter Peter. I could never figure out if his parents had a fantastic sense of humor or no imagination at all -- it had to be one or the other. But here in the Philippines, wonderful imagination and humor is often applied to the naming process, particularly, it seems, in the Chinese community. My favourites include Bach Johann Sebastian; Edgar Allan Pe; Jonathan Livingston Sy; Magic Chiongson, Chica Go, and my girlfriend's very own sister, Van Go. I am assured these are real people, although I've only met two of them. I hope they don't mind being mentioned here.

How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names. Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelieveably-named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles).

Where else in the world could that really be true? Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called Cardinal Sin? Where else in the world could Angel, Gigi and Mandy be grown-up men? Where else could you go through adultlife unembarrassed and unassailed with a name like Mosquito, or Pepper, or Honey Boy?

Where else but the Philippines!

English Translations of Filipino Names
NEW! Remigio Batungbacal
Remington Steel
NEW! Bienvenido Jurado
Ben Hur
NEW! Federico Hagibis
Federal Express
Eleoterio Ignacio
Electronic Ignition

Casimiro Bukaykay
Cashmir Bouquet

Rogelio Dagdag
Roger Moore

Topacio Mamaril
Top Gun

Restituto Pruto
Tutti Frutti

Samuel Tampipi
Sam Sonite

Veneracion De Asis
Venereal Disease

Francisco Portero
Frank Furter

Diosdado Durante
Deo Dorant


A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday"
"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points"

"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church"
"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?"

"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says.

"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"


 ----------------------------------------------------------

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't
take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to
greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you
can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought
pavement?!!!"


 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and
playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven.

Now you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland
covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
 ----------------------------------------

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter
was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a
mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk
bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.
'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the
taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

Click this link to see a cool new year e-card (sent to me by Roger David...Thanks Roger!)
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=2665311042386&source=